I have a dream that I want to fulfill with you...

[tsugomori]

[ Well, that was an extraordinary trial to have... it was certainly filled with many things that wouldn't be lost to the memory of most, even for weeks to come. Although, the return to "normalcy" could be something that wouldn't seem like it was wanted, it was better than the alternative to returning to anything at all.

With ease, Mikazuki find himself setting up the usual party in the usual place-- that would be the library of course. Notes have been slipped underneath the doors of others, or hung up on the walls to alert them of this post-trial "celebration" -- which was more like a get-together of some sorts now than a real party. ]


Please join us in the library again. Of course, food and drink will be provided.

- Mikazuki, Orihime, Hanyuu, & Estelle

[ The food and drink has been set out, what with there being tea, vichyssoise, cream puffs, and fish for everyone to enjoy. ]

Comments

[oyashiromama]

[Yeah, there's still that... She leans against an adjacent table.]

Something to do with your hands, then? ...You're usually at the gatherings, so I was surprised.

[alchemicals]

...I didn't really want to be around people.

[He pauses for a moment once that's out there, though.]

That isn't- ...I'm not telling you to leave.

[oyashiromama]

[She doesn't move, even before the clarification.]

It's alright. You don't want to be around people, but...then there's being alone, isn't there? I wasn't planning on leaving.

[alchemicals]

Thanks.

[And from the sound of it, he does appreciate it, in some way.]

You don't have to if you don't want to, though, I get it.

[oyashiromama]

But I do. I didn't come here by chance, you know?

[That's...a little awkward, but also somehow friendly.]

[alchemicals]

...Yeah. Yeah, I figured.

[That seems to settle him a little, though he's not...too sure how to bring up anything that happened earlier, even if it feels like it should be brought up somehow. Eventually.]

Hell of a trial earlier.

[...Probably not like that.]

[oyashiromama]

[Kimbley oh goodness Hanyuu briefly appears startled at the abruptness of that, letting out a small noise of surprise that she very swiftly stifles. ...Dignified god today, that's what we're trying out.]

I-it certainly was. ...Are you healing alright? That fight looked painful.

[In more ways than one.]

[alchemicals]

I'm all right, yeah.

[There are some raised welts on his face where Kira scratched him, some small spots here and there along them where he broke skin, but it's not like he's bleeding or anything.]

Like he said, he was a salaryman in a department store. I've had worse.

[oyashiromama]

Mm. Good to hear, we wouldn't want anything getting infected.

[...But.]

And...other than that? How are you?

[alchemicals]

[He pauses for a moment.]

Not all that great, but I'll manage.

[oyashiromama]

...If you need help managing, I'm here to reach out a hand. [Alright she's just saying it-]

Chiyuki... I talked with her about that. Being able to help people with their burdens...or just providing levity. I think...of all of us, you're one who needs that right now.

[alchemicals]

No.

[And that's immediate, and he's back to just...doing things with his hands because it's something to do, but he's shaking his head as he does it, the gesture clearly agitated.]

No, that's...I don't need that, it's fine.

[oyashiromama]

[She...hit a wall, didn't she. She tenses but- she's not willing to give up.]

I overstepped...and I'm sorry. But- ...I still won't leave.

[alchemicals]

It's not your fault.

[He hesitates for a moment, clearly not knowing what to say, before eventually just shrugging.]

It's not like it's a good idea to care about anyone here anyway, you know?

[oyashiromama]

[...Ah.]

I know. [She gives a small smile.] What...do you think my title is for? I know we're all going to die, likely, and that we're just buying time. I can't prevent any of the horrible things that will happen here. But...I want to spend that time as best as I possibly can.

[alchemicals]

...You're wasting that sort of sentiment on people like me.

Just to put that out there.

[oyashiromama]

You say that like you have nothing that you can enjoy.

[...Oh.]

...Is that at all true?

[alchemicals]

[And at that question, he's gone very still.]

...War is the only thing that's ever made me feel alive. Everything else is biding time.

[oyashiromama]

[There's something... She doesn't really know what to say to that. It's the opposite of her, a direct inverse. It's something she can't understand, and yet...]

...Then I'll find another way. [Not everyone would be receptive. That's what Chiyuki said.] Even if... You're still stuck here, like the rest of us. You shouldn't be left alone.

[alchemicals]

I've been alone for ten years. I'm used to it.

[It's not what she means and he knows it.]

[oyashiromama]

That's how long it took me to get used to being alone too. It didn't stop the centuries from hurting any.

[alchemicals]

...It wasn't supposed to be that long.

[He doesn't sound...troubled by it, per se, just kind of annoyed.]

I was supposed to be killed years ago for what I did. I've still got no idea why I wasn't.

[oyashiromama]

Is that why you don't care if you die? Because you resigned yourself to it, long ago?

[It's not a probing question, just...it sounds like she's asking about what he had for breakfast. It sounds like something she's familiar with.]

[alchemicals]

...Sort of. The memories I had when I first woke up here were of the day I was supposed to be executed.

[But it'd been...longer than that, hadn't it?]

I've never really cared if I die, though. Sometimes I just do things? I don't really know how to describe it.

[He'd tried to explain this to Chiyuki once; he hadn't explained all of it, though. Partially because it hadn't really occurred to him to try, partially because she was really obviously trying not to be sad at the moment.]

I don't really feel too much, you know? So sometimes I'll go out and I'll be looking for something to do, and I'll see something that looks like trouble - I don't know, picking a fight with someone maybe. And so I'll do it, because best-case scenario I'll win and maybe I'll actually have fun while I do it, and worst-case scenario I'll get thrashed but that doesn't really matter because at least I'm experiencing something, even if it's bad.

There's not a lot of forethought with me, really.

So if I do stuff that runs the risk of killing me, who cares? Best-case scenario, I don't die. Worst-case scenario, I get to find out what dying is like.

[oyashiromama]

[It feels at least like she's finally...gotten somewhere, so she listens, face neutral, nodding along, gently.]

It's like...a lack of self-preservation? Regarding if you life or die, at least. [Which, yikes. But she's not really sure what could be done about that.] But the more intense the situation...the more likely it is you'll get some kind of stimulus and feel something.

[Even if she can't do anything- at least she can try and understand.]

Is that close?