[Definitely putting up an act for Cherryblod. Sigrun's been able to tell that for a long time now, both from being able to read people (how it was at first) and knowing the different sides she does of him now.
Her grip'll tighten.]
Yeah, he wasn't. I almost wish he had been, because maybe it'd be easier just to hate him.
[That'd be a different kind of pain. Not this solid ache she's feeling, but a burning ball that would sear her to doing something outside of this.]
Is it bad I can't hate him? Even now? Just because he never pretended with me, not even in the end when he could've and it would've been easier. I feel so stupid like this. I've been a captain for so long, I've had people die before, I've never been able to stop them either but--
[she's just going to go on if someone doesn't stop her, honestly, even if her tightening throat is doing it pretty well. Trying to stay strong in front of the one person she doesn't have to when to comes to this is too difficult for her, she's exhausted.]
no subject
Her grip'll tighten.]
Yeah, he wasn't. I almost wish he had been, because maybe it'd be easier just to hate him.
[That'd be a different kind of pain. Not this solid ache she's feeling, but a burning ball that would sear her to doing something outside of this.]
Is it bad I can't hate him? Even now? Just because he never pretended with me, not even in the end when he could've and it would've been easier. I feel so stupid like this. I've been a captain for so long, I've had people die before, I've never been able to stop them either but--
[she's just going to go on if someone doesn't stop her, honestly, even if her tightening throat is doing it pretty well. Trying to stay strong in front of the one person she doesn't have to when to comes to this is too difficult for her, she's exhausted.]