i'll wait, so show me why you're strong

[ravagers]

[ Generally, people need time to cope and gather themselves after a... thing... like that. Unfortunately, that's not how Vanille sees it. Her thing is avoid, and once she gets out of that hellhole that's the courtroom, she makes her way to the supplies closet, then to the library. She spends some time setting up things, pushing things aside to make room. Once she's finished, and she's met up with the Party Brigade, she makes enough invitations for everyone. She slips them under everyone's doors, or hands them out if she sees someone walking around.



Inside the library, there are candles set up to provide some soft, comforting lighting. There are pots of tea, courtesy of Mercy, pancakes made by Viktor, and books (picked out by Estelle, of course) laid out on the surrounding tables. The others have provided their own touches, and Vanille's even managed to make something: sugar cookies, which are actually very good. They're flavored lightly with all sorts of flavors--not all in the same cookie, okay--and each plate is marked with whatever flavor she's put in them.

After a successful trial, it's healthy to indulge, right? Let's mingle. ]

Comments

[stepout]

[ Well, that's a good sign, at least. Conversational abnormal people are her favorite. ]

...What did you mean by "I've been waiting to die for the past ten years"? [ It's not something she can really get her head around because, again: she doesn't generally deal with this. A bunch of emotions, sure, but... This? Nah. ] You would've been... sixteen ten years ago—isn't that a little too young to get all nihilistic.

[alchemicals]

I told you guys that I was a soldier, right? Specializing in chemical weaponry. It's what my alchemy's best suited for. Well, you can get sent to the front lines at sixteen, where I'm from. I was conscripted and sent in to help stop a civil war that we'd had going on for a good long time already.

Some of my weaponry was used in ways that were deemed unethical by my superior officers. I was court-martialed and found responsible for the fuckup.

[...]

I've been on death row for ten years now. Solitary confinement, the entire time.

The day I was brought here was my execution date.

[His voice is even when he says it; he might as well be discussing the weather, for all he seems to care.]

[stepout]

[ She's quiet for a bit, absorbing all of... that. No wonder he doesn't like being alone—he's been alone for ten years. At the same time, it's probably a little weird to have so many people around now.

And that's just the tip of the yikesberg, when she really thinks about it. ]

I'd say you got lucky, but here's not much better. You just have more company now. [ They're all pretty much waiting to... die, or get eaten by a shadowy-blob... thing. ] How "unethical" are we talking?

[ this isn't like, human transmutation-level of unethical, is it. ]

[alchemicals]

[...That's a good question, isn't it. Again, his voice remains even as he says it; there isn't much feeling behind it, but then, there really never is.]

They were used on civilians. Women and children.

[stepout]

[ ...Oh. ]

...That's pretty bad. [ She's either taking this oddly well or she's just not sure what to say in the face of his... evenness. She's at least putting some thought into things though. ] You don't seem that bothered by any of it though.

[ Imprisonment, war crimes, all that. ...that's coming from someone who also has maybe four different facial expressions, granted, but anyway. ]

[alchemicals]

[Just give us pet-shaming signs at this rate. "THIS IS THE ONLY EXPRESSION I KNOW HOW TO MAKE."]

I'm not bothered by a lot of things. From the sound of it, that makes me pretty messed up, at least as far as everyone here is concerned.

[stepout]

I think they think you're more messed up for not giving up your shoes in the name of proving your innocence, but... probably that too.

[ She folds the ear of her page back and forth, then glances at him out of the corner of her eye.

...he talked a little. She could say something too, but there's nothing she can really say that she wouldn't have to sit down and explain for, is there. ...She can at least tell him something similar she told Silver. ]

I know everyone's up in arms about this game we're in, but it's not so different from what I'm used to—not the exact same, but close enough, on some points. We don't encourage violence or anything like that, [ and definitely not murder, it's really hard to kill the already dead ] but we don't disallow it, either. A few of our games have gotten pretty... hectic and unhappy as a result.

It's not always that way, but people have to play with the cards as they're dealt them. Sometimes that's not easy. [ ... ] And sometimes people make that harder than it needs to be by pushing unfair circumstances on them.

[alchemicals]

If they give me a reason to cooperate with them, then I will. What they were doing there was both baseless and pointless; they had enough pointing away from me already, there wasn't any reason to inconvenience me any.

[...jesus christ.]

I'm curious about something, though - do you like watching people play games like this?

[stepout]

[ ...That's a good question, and she doesn't answer immediately; it's not like navigating this is a particular minefield with Kimbley over here, but... it's not something to take lightly either. ]

...I don't know.

[ She's frowning a little; it's not like she's given it any serious thought, because she figured she was just... made for it or something; there's nothing indicating she wasn't. Or there wasn't any. Not sure what's up here, but— ]

I wouldn't say I enjoy it, and I know I don't like it when things get out of hand, but overall? It's just what I do. I haven't known anything else, and I'll admit, a lot of it's usually lost on me.

[ She doesn't get to participate in Happy Memory Hour like Decim does; she's usually got almost no idea what's going on outside of if she asks and based on how guests act or say. ]

[alchemicals]

[...That's. Well, it actually gets him to go quiet for a moment anyway.]

...Yeah, I get that. Probably not for the same reasons, but I get it.

[stepout]

[ Good, she's not just talking to the air. ]

...Thanks. I mean it. [ She shuts her book gently, tucking it by her side. ] If we were at a bar, I'd treat you to a drink for putting up with the questions.

[ ... ]

Mind if I owe you instead?

[ If not a bar she'll just toss him whatever alcohol she gets, honestly; this whole conversation feels like it should've been over drinks instead of post-whatever-that-trial-was. ]

[alchemicals]

I won't say no if it clears your conscience, let's put it that way.

[Not like he cares about her conscience, but he isn't altogether sure why she feels like she owes him anything, if we're all being honest.

...At the same time, hey, free favor.]

[stepout]

It's not clearing my conscience, it's giving a drink to someone who should've had a round when this started. [ ...Because again, drinks are good and they're good to have when you start digging into things.

Also if we're being honest she kind of wants one, and there's not that many people who wouldn't appreciate an offer like it. ] I was under the impression people talked about their problems when they're under dim lights and with a glass in their hand, honestly.

[ ...Gold may have mentioned bartenders do small talk too, a lot of problems get screamed at during games anyway, let's just all pretend to be functioning members of society here okay. ]

[alchemicals]

[...you know what, that's fair.]

Well, you're not wrong about that - on a lot of counts, I guess.

[...]

Thanks for not freaking out or anything. About what I told you.

[stepout]

[ ... ]

It's not like I've heard worse, or like you don't have a reason to feel the way you do, or I don't think the whole "unethical" thing is pretty awful. [ Because it is, objectively. She'd let him off lighter if it ever turns out he'd gotten the responsibility pinned on him or something though, probably. ] There's just no point to freaking out about it right now. That was years ago, and...

[ ...She tilts her head away, watching what people remain. ]

It's nice having someone who gets how you feel about something.

[ She wants him to be a good person, too. Every human she's seen has been, in their heart of hearts. Even if Kyrie'd been more or less remorseless about the whole thing, she'd done it for her family. That's just how humans are. ]

[alchemicals]

...I see.

[It's clear from his tone that he doesn't, but at the very least he sounds sort of like he's making an attempt, which is more than he usually offers.]

Anytime, I guess.

[stepout]

[ ...An attempt was sort of made, a fuck was slightly given, etc. ]

Not the answer you were expecting?

[alchemicals]

...I'm not exactly the kind of guy that people come to for understanding, I guess.