And it's the stars, the stars that lie to you.

[neverheardofhim]

[This week, Varric opted to take a page from Vanille’s book. Gathering everyone together after the roller-coaster that the first trial had been proved to be somewhat cathartic for himself. He hoped that it would prove to do the same for the others.]

[He wasn’t alone, of course, having found himself blessed with the most ragtag team of chefs and party-planners. He might have had words for and thoughts on Elda and Kimbley, Mikazuki was welcome company, and he wasn’t about to turn away potential allies, even in a fight as simple as cooking dinner.]

[Once everyone’s set to a task, baking a cake, brewing tea, or stirring stew (the only task Varric could think to assign Elda to), Varric excused himself to his room. His first task was writing up cards, each personally titled and signed by Varric.]

Food in the Library. 5 p.m. Don’t spend the night alone.

[Each note was slid under a door and accompanied by a single rap on the wood.]

[With his tasks completed, Varric returned to the kitchen to put out any potential fires and, with luck, set the food out. A table in the library would be adorned with plenty of tea, cake, pancakes courtesy of Viktor, and stew thanks mostly to Varric (sorry, Elda).]

Comments

[neverheardofhim]

Please do.

[Varric returned Mikazuki's smile with a tight-lipped one of his own. Once again, the compliments felt off, though once again he didn't say anything. At least he could pretend to be gracious overall.]

You're welcome, by the way. It... just felt right. [He was mostly referring to the party. Mostly.]

[tsugomori]

That it did.

[ He's probably holding onto a cup of tea (unsurprisingly) with another smile of his, and winds up taking a sip from it. Still, he remembers what was going on last time Varric recited one of these, and so... ]

How are you holding up, by the way?

[neverheardofhim]

[He looked away from the man for a period. His emotions seemed more stable, there was no excessive amount of grief. Yet his mind was racing, trying to grapple with the fact that they had doomed not just a woman, but millions more. This was leveraged against the fact that he had people to protect here, and everyone else had their own people to protect beyond that.]

I'm more confused, than anything. [He turned back to the swordsman.] How can I feel angry for killing a girl and dooming her sister, yet only feel slightly bothered that we may well have damned an entire universe?

[tsugomori]

[ Sometimes the truth was cruel, and Mikazuki can understand why the other man is speaking of his own confusion. ]

Well, I'm assuming it's likely you hardly knew her. As opposed to someone like Adelina, who you knew well. Not to mention, you don't know all those people who lived in the same universe as Alani or who had already been doomed before Alani even tried to save it.

You can't be blamed for feeling like that, by the way. It is only natural, is it not?

[ That and Mikazuki may consider it a relief the other is not weighted down by such a thing. As sad as it is to say, it would likely only be an unnecessary burden added onto their already standing grievances. ]

[neverheardofhim]

Don't get me wrong, Pretty Boy, I wanted to help them. [His earlier guilt welled up, pooling within his belly. The image of Vanille, of Orihime, of all of them getting dragged under by the shadowy creature that lurked within the pit clung to the back of his mind. Here he was, worried about damning others, when he'd very nearly done the same to those he cared about.]

[Those thoughts, in and of themselves, troubled him too.]

But now, after all that. I keep thinking about us. About the people here. Whether I knew them all or not, valuing 27 lives more than millions seems... wrong.

[tsugomori]

[ ... ]

Now, I'm not saying you didn't want to help them, but that you can't be blamed for putting or valuing our lives first, over the lives that were already technically lost to the abomination that doomed Alani's people and more.

[ Mikazuki knows if he felt this way, then he wouldn't be able to perform his duty, and there's a wry smile that he has now. He raises a sleeve, in vain, to attempt to conceal it. ]

Besides, it is not like we had any choice other than choose to value our lives over theirs if we wanted to live, Varric. So, maybe you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

[neverheardofhim]

I voted for myself, kid. I didn't make any damn decision. [Despite the fact that he couldn't discern its nature, the smile on the swordsman's lips made Varric feel uneasy, perhaps even angry. It felt wrong, considering the gravity of their situation.]

[But then, they all coped in different ways. And thus far, Mikazuki had been an understanding enough person thus far. Varric pushed his surliness to the back of his mind, and instead nodded.]

You're right. [It didn't mean he would stop beating himself up over the whole thing, but he was still right all the same. If nothing else, he had to stop beating himself up.]

[Another week was coming, and he couldn't afford to be caught up in himself. Not when he had people to protect.]

[tsugomori]

[ Indeed, the smile was Mikazuki's way of coping, as it's what he's learned to do in stressful times; if he faces everything with a calm expression and a smile then things will work out because sometimes he can't change how things are. However, although the expression lingers on his face, it's lacking the usual cheerful exuberance, that's for sure. ]

Oh, thank you for reminding me that you did.

[ ... ]

Varric, please don't vote for yourself again, if you can help it. I understand why people do it, but quite frankly I can't stand it. Right now, it is not an issue, but it may become so later down the road.

[neverheardofhim]

[He hadn't expected the lecture. Hell, if he were in any better spirits, he might have quipped back at the swordsman to respect his elders, though he likely would have maintained a joking tone. But with everything that had happened, and with everything running through his mind... He needed the reminder. He'd dreaded the result now where there was a significant buffer.]

[That buffer wouldn't be there later. And he couldn't afford to have a bleeding heart. Not when he already had to worry about the decisions being made by the more innocent members of their team.]

Yeah. I know. [He straightened up a bit, Mikazuki's lashing having done some small wonders.] It won't happen again, kid.

[tsugomori]

[ Mikazuki smile turned to something looking to be a semblance of relief, and he bowed his head respectively, to express his appreciation before he would in words. ]

Thank you for listening to me, Varric. It is very kind of you to be so considerate as always, and that remains true even now.

[ He does truly mean that at any rate and then there's finally a soft sigh released, his posture relaxing more. ]

Ahh... what a week. One of the many reasons why I believed bringing tea may have been quite a good idea.

[neverheardofhim]

I'm only being considerate because I know I'm wrong. [Despite the mood, Varric managed a laugh. It felt tight and perhaps a little hollow, but it was a laugh nonetheless.] If we were back home, you probably wouldn't have even gotten an acknowledgement. Granted, usually it's the Seeker telling me what I'm doing wrong, and she isn't nearly as graceful as you.

[He quieted down once more. Tea had been a good idea, even if it wasn't his forte. At the very least, other people seemed to be enjoying it.]

It's a shame the booze is in short supply. I'd love to block out those memories.

[tsugomori]

My, sounds like you're quite the handful back at home, then.

[ He'll smile, his words tinted with that expected of a teasing jest. The mood had been so dark, Mikazuki couldn't help but try to lighten it up. ]

But, I agree. I keep forgetting to try out something from the bar. I am sure that they have at least some sake that would be hanging around.

[neverheardofhim]

Home and here, I'm sure. [He glanced in the direction of the PA system, a smirk on his lips.] Someone has to keep our captor on his toes, right?

[Not to mention his attempts at trying to find his way out of there, no less.]

Here's hoping we find something for the both of us. [A summer wine sounded particularly nice. Or perhaps some Absence... Hell, anything with alcohol would be a welcome change.]

[tsugomori]

Yes, someone will have to. I would as well, but unfortunately I don't really know how a "phone" is supposed to work, so I haven't spoken to him much.

[ He'll laugh, hopefully not sounding incredibly incompetent. Such is the life of an ancient sword... ]

Well, either way, I hope the same. Although even if I can't, tea will always be good to me.

[neverheardofhim]

I won't pretend to understand either. It's why I stick to letters. [He chuckled to himself, though his expression remained serious.]

I've been trying to map a way out, but I never got an answer out of him with my most recent question.

[tsugomori]

Good point. Maybe I'll send him a little love letter soon.

[ He's ... joking, really!! ]

But, what question did you ask him, just out of curiosity?

[neverheardofhim]

Oh I'm sure he'd love that. [Meaning an actual love letter. Maybe Varric would try it in the following week.]

[Mikazuki's question had him sobering up relatively quickly, however. A frown replaced the grin that had been working its way across his lips. He gave a shrug, as if what he was about to say didn't carry much gravity.]

I proposed a theory. If everyone took part in a killing, what would happen? [He looked to the floor.] It's... an idea, but without full conversation, I'm not about to suggest it.

[tsugomori]

Then maybe we should actually do it?

[ Mikazuki's plans are bad... ]

Your idea is probably something that shouldn't be suggested at all, so it's a good thing you haven't. I do get why you would ask something like that, though.

[neverheardofhim]

I'll do it if you will.

[Varric shook his head slightly, realizing how he might have sounded.]

It wasn't like I was going to tell one of you to sacrifice yourselves. [He grunted, looking altogether disgusted with that particular idea.] It isn't like I have much to go back to. And I'd much rather see people like you, Vanille or Goldie walk free of this place.

If that was a way to guarantee freedom, then it's a sacrifice I would have been willing to make.

[tsugomori]

[ He's about to say 'it's a plan' regarding their silly plan regarding the letter, but Varric's words take the wind out of his sails, so to speak, and the words don't seem to really come for a moment. ]

If I seriously participated in something like that and walked free, my Master would no longer have any use for someone like myself, and dissemble me immediately.

[ ... Why yes, that is his way of objecting to it. ]

Besides, who is to say the Wordsmith will honor his words?

[neverheardofhim]

Exactly why I'm not jumping on the idea. I can't trust him as far as I can throw him. [And seeing as how the Wordsmith remained out of throwing distance, he was decidedly not very trustworthy at all. Never mind the rest of his bullshit.]

[Though, speaking of other bullshit, Mikazuki's words seemed to stick in Varric's ears. Leaning back, he gave the man a scrutinizing glance.]

What was all that stuff about being dissembled?

[tsugomori]

[ He'll give a dismissive hand-wave. ]

Oh, that? That is just special lingo for being 'chewed out' back at home.

I'm just glad to know you're not serious.

[ ...He got a little worried here. ]

[neverheardofhim]

[He raised a brow, but given the fact that he had no reason to question it, he kept quiet. Interesting turn of phrase, he figured, nothing more.]

If I had any other reason to suspect it might work I'd suggest it, but you're right... I wouldn't expect anyone to want to be subjected to that. [Thanks for putting it into perspective, buddy.]