trusthell | And it's the stars, the stars that lie to you.

And it's the stars, the stars that lie to you.

[This week, Varric opted to take a page from Vanille’s book. Gathering everyone together after the roller-coaster that the first trial had been proved to be somewhat cathartic for himself. He hoped that it would prove to do the same for the others.]

[He wasn’t alone, of course, having found himself blessed with the most ragtag team of chefs and party-planners. He might have had words for and thoughts on Elda and Kimbley, Mikazuki was welcome company, and he wasn’t about to turn away potential allies, even in a fight as simple as cooking dinner.]

[Once everyone’s set to a task, baking a cake, brewing tea, or stirring stew (the only task Varric could think to assign Elda to), Varric excused himself to his room. His first task was writing up cards, each personally titled and signed by Varric.]

Food in the Library. 5 p.m. Don’t spend the night alone.

[Each note was slid under a door and accompanied by a single rap on the wood.]

[With his tasks completed, Varric returned to the kitchen to put out any potential fires and, with luck, set the food out. A table in the library would be adorned with plenty of tea, cake, pancakes courtesy of Viktor, and stew thanks mostly to Varric (sorry, Elda).]

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[ ... Damn, she wishes she could. She folds in on herself, and then speaks up, muffled a bit but more than loud enough to hear ]

You probably should've.

[ But... ]

No god or person or anything can do anything about some suffering. For me, it's that two hundred years ago, the church turned all their fire and swords and stakes against me and my fellow vampires. Families got killed and broken up. Those of us who survived only survived because we got on a boat and fled to Japan.

[Hanyuu sits silently for a moment. She's not...surprised by such an event occurring in Elda's life. Maybe that's the worst part of it. She reaches over and places a hand on her back.]

Suffering...is inevitable. In all lives...but I'm so sorry that you had to go through something as horrible as that.

[ It's weird, how she can almost be analytical about it all. But she still leans into Hanyuu's touch. Elda inhales, exhales, and ... there are more gory, gritty details she could share - did spit as venom in Varric's face - but...

But she's tired.

And Hanyuu... ]

I was alone after that. [ ... ] I told you I met James on the boat, I think? Either way, I did, and we were together after that.

[ But. ]

[Oh. ...Oh.]

I am...so very glad you did. [Genuinely, truly.] To spare you from...even worse pain.

[...But...something else is hanging here.]

[ She has no idea how to say this next thing. She can add more preambles, dodge around it? She could do a lot of things, really... but right now, she's just tired. She curls in on herself, resting her head against her knees ]

James is dead.

...

[Hanyuu does absolutely nothing for a good long five seconds.

Then, she scoots over and hugs Elda as tight as she can.]

[The whole hug is awkward - Elda's hair is still fairly wet and she is only wearing a towel. Hanyuu probably isn't fully fixed up herself. But Elda leans into the hug, nakedly sobbing. She isn't sure why she's doing this - she... well, she feels like she needs to justify herself?

No, not really.

Even for a "friend" she has no need to explain herself.

No, she just needed to say it to someone, and at the same time, she wanted to explain herself, and wants to know more about Hanyuu in turn? Or...

Or well, who knows.

She can't think any further than just crying now. Sniffling, sobbing. She's held this in since the beginning of this week and it's been hard. ]

[That desperate sob, that horrible desperate crying. She... Hanyuu knows it well. She remembers, many a night waking from a dream, or a nightmare, or some mix of the two. She remembers staggering away from the body of the thing that used to be her husband, blood running down her arms and legs, her beloved miko outfit in shreds as she walked, tears running down her face, pitching into the water with a vague hope that she never woke up again-]

I'm so sorry. [Oh, her voice. It's catching and strained.] Elda, I am so, so...

[She can't finish it. Disgust rises up in her, not for Elda, but for herself. How uncomfortable and awkward she'd been, just two weeks ago, when Elda was first talking about James to her, her dear love.

She should've let her talk much more.]

[ A week later, she can still feel, taste the sensation on her lips, when she brought her mouth to his, when she tried to revive him, kissing blood into his lips, that youthful blood that she had gathered up specifically for him. She always had to do that, because he was too soft - he never drank enough, always worried too much. The sobs continue, this somehow not becoming any easier the moment she said it.

She wasn't sure when it would ever be any easier.

Elda ends up nesting herself into Hanyuu's form, hugging her close to herself, resting her head into her shoulder. She tries to form more words, as if to explain herself, to clarify or... anything. Some pleasant memory, some assurances for the other woman. Maybe even ab apology for resting this much on her, because on some level she is aware this is not her burden.

But she can't manage it. She is far to tired. Earlier today, she was accused of murder. Much like before, it was a murder that she should have committed. It's... disgusting. And on top of everything- James. ]

James... [ Inhale. ] That damned, foolish man.

[ Sob. ]

[With their close proximity, Hanyuu runs a hand over Elda's head, methodically, rhythmically. Gentle petting, like she wanted to with Rika when the girl wailed and cried about her dead father and missing mother.

(Finally, she can console people properly, finally--)

No explanation is needed. This is a pain that...well, Hanyuu can't know completely. She hadn't been with Riku that long, after all, not nearly as long as Elda, or as any typical married couple. Their pains are different, a burning flame eternal compared to a candle swiftly snuffed out, and yet there's an understanding. When you lose someone like this, you needn't justify. Hanyuu...she will take the burdens, especially burdens from a friend.

They feel all at once a little heavier and a little lighter than the ones of the villagers, paradoxically so.]

You can cry. I won't leave.

[ She... ]

Thanks. [ she didn't mean to say that. he meant to say something like "stop that" or urge her to stop all this nonsense she's done about answering all the requests and the whole child of man thing. But that would probably be insulting... right? Whatever, how should she know?

she might wish it, later.

For now? For now she's just going to cry into Hanyuu's shoulder, holding her body against her, the whole scene far too sad to be made comedic by the fact she's basically naked ]

Of course.

[There's so much more Hanyuu wants to tell Elda...or rather, wishes she could be able to tell Elda. She can't say something like "it'll get better in time" or "maybe the next memory will be better," partly because she knows the first is entirely untrue and partly because she'd expressed the same sort of sentiments to Alani, and look how great that turned out.

No, there's not much she can say, until Elda is ready to speak again. If she is. Hanyuu can't do anything but- well, but be quietly glad she chose to confide in her.]

[ It won't get better.

But it also has to get better.

Really, that's a paradox of eternity. Elda continues to cry for a long while, but once she's pretty much run her course, she backs off, still curled on herself a little, but adjusting the towel such a to cover herself more. Modesty is almost an afterthought now, but... Well. She ...

Hanyuu has to understand, being as old as she is. But- ]

He died in his sleep. I... remembered it earlier this week. [ . . . ] It's sort of stupid to say to a former ghost, but to a vampire, the line between life and death can be really murky. For the older among us, it's not very hard, if you're underfed or you're just not holding on to fall asleep and never wake up, becoming dust.

[It will get different. Not better, not worse. Just...different.

Hanyuu listens to her speak, and she winces.] I...yes, I can understand that. The older Ryuun got, the more likely it was for them to simply fade away on the wind. [She is the last of her kind, after all. The last Pureblood.] ...I'm so sorry you had to remember something so awful.

[ She... nods. Into the wind huh? Elda exhales, and wipes off her tears with her hands. She's at least not actively crying now, but he does have a little bit of snot on her face too. She ...

She's grateful. ]

What about you?

[ She's not even sure if she means the memory or how she is after the trial ]

[Oh, that is...a loaded question in so many ways. Hanyuu hesitates.]

Me...? Me, I... [If she's asking about Hanyuu's memory, she... She can't share something so good, not after what Elda just told her, or what they've seen today.] ...I... My memory was a fortunate one. Thinking of it is all that's...keeping me afloat.

[She doesn't want to expand on that. It feels wrong to.]

[ Elda is not a good enough person for her not to feel some cruel spike of jealousy in the moment Hanyuu answers her. So much so that she almost screws up her face in expressing that. But just as quickly, almost to her surprise, she moves past it to instead be genuinely glad that's the case. Elda smirks, and then reaches out to pat Hanyuu on the head, as if She had been the one who was just sobbing. Her hand then rolls down Hanyuu's cheek, tilting up her chin ]

Good, glad to hear it. [ And that was a bit more curt than she intended, but it's clearly at least to some extent sincere. ] So why not tell me something else?

Ah...

[...She can't help but keep a sad, grateful smile from her face. She understands. She...she was just as jealous, when it seemed Elda had the better history of the two of them. The smile sinks to confusion, after.]

What...kind of something else? I...aah... [There's...what she talked about with Watanuki earlier, and cried her eyes out over.] ...about...the trial?

Or anything. I know you married a man, I don't even know his name. I don't know a lot about you yet. So if you don't want to talk about things which make you think of fish girl, I'm sure both of us are old enough to have a dozen other things to say.

[ This is her being "nice." ]

[Well, there's kind of the problem, what reminds her of Alani is what reminds her of...

She sighs, and nods. This is going to be an uncomfortable moment, she knows.]

My husband... Yes, I suppose that's a good place to start. His name was Riku. I... He was a human. He was the first human not to fear me...or hold me on a pedastal. He was the first to see me as a person.

A human?

[ ... Elda can't help but have her alarm leek into her tone there. And maybe... jut maybe, a little disgust. It's not. Directed at her? Or at him, specifically. ]

[Yeah, here it is... She expected this, and she sighs, face to the floor, and nods.]

A human. I...saw the information on the wall, our first few days here and...well, I know you must have your own reasons. But I figured talking about him...and, then, my daughter, with you would just be an awkward subject.

[Halfbreeds, after all.]

[ . . . Does she want to explain herself? Elda- ... Elda hesitates for a moment, because she doesn't want to offend Hanyuu. If anything, she feels sorry for Hanyuu, making that mistake. Because what could that be except a mistake? But she also doesn't want to spread out even more of her tragedy, clarifying certain little points.

... ]

To me, that can't help but sound like a mistake. But I don't know what it's like for demons or ghosts or whatever your people are. But a child of a vampire an a human is a dead end. They can't produce children - ever.

[ There's more to it, but that's... ultimately the heart of it. ]

[Hanyuu stiffens. She lets Elda finish, and she doesn't lash out, because...it's a different perspective. It makes sense, why Elda would think that, but, when she's done--]

I can understand why you say that, but to me, it was the opposite of a mistake. [Ah, her throat is tight, and it shows.] The years I spent with Riku... They were short. Far too short. But they better than any of the decades I spent as a warrior. My people...we barely had any connection left. Most of them had...become something like ghosts, when we arrived on Earth.

[It's. complicated-]

The few of us with bodies left, Purebloods- most of them were Jedas to begin with, a part of my connected family. Most...were much older than me. And...we were dying, rapidly. Before Riku...I barely spoke with anyone. Just the elders, and the artificial intelligence designated to assist me with protecting the village. There were only...two humans who I became friends with, him and one other. But I treasured them, more than anything. Them...and my daughter. My Ouka.

[ There's a few questions to ask here. What's an artificial intelligence? They got denied bodies? A dwindling population...

But she doesn't ask. She just keeps even eye contact, as much as she can, with Hanyuu. She tries to keep her face even and maybe even supportive. She can't totally manage it, but she tries, at the very least, to accomplish this.

Hanyuu is being sincere and telling her perspective.

She'll respect it, and even sympathize ]

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