and it takes, and it takes, and it takes

[acherontiastyx]

[It... definitely takes a while for the weekly after-execution note to arrive, but it does --- kind of scrawly and on ripped paper rather than nice stationery.]

EY. YO. WE GOT EFFIGIES IN THE DINING ROOM AND WE'RE GONNA BURN EM.

FOOD TOO. THE USUAL AND HOT COCOA. GOOD FOR THE SOUL. GET SOME. MAYBE TAKE IT BACK TO YOUR ROOM IF YOU HAVE TO. JUST GET SOME.

[Anyway, in the dining room, there's plenty of mugs set out, with a janky looking arrow sign pointing into the kitchen to where you can get your hot cocoa. On the table, there's Vichyssoise, a pot of green tea, and some booze. There's also a cookie tray on the floor away from the table on which to burn the Wordsmith and Kimbley effigies, which are handily placed near the food on the table.

...also if you go in the kitchen without shoes on just. Watch the northern corner. There's no kidneys, but there's a lot of broken plates there for some reason...]

Comments

[firstaid]

[Before the party is announced, Estelle is in the kitchen making her usual. It’s routine anymore, one once in a while she’s found crying and wipes her tears and continues stirring, cutting, what have it, as she prepares the meal. Every week it feels like she needs to prepare less, but this week it hits her that she needs to make so much less after all the death that happened.

But it’s clear she’s not making this out of kindness – partially yes, but mostly it’s her escape right now. She’s not the time to sit alone and cry, she’s the kind that would try to do anything to forget. It just happens that her gesture may come off as kindness. This week, that is definitely not the case.

She’ll be in the dining hall for a bit just to be around people, and eat her own food, and drink the tea and hot chocolate as she finishes her cups.

After a bit, she resigns back to the kitchen and this time seems to have ingredients out for a dessert. Probably a cake. She just wants to do something and keep active and a book won’t help right now. A book means she has a chance of being lost in her thoughts – and no happy book could help. So she needs to stay busy… It’s a shame she’s not the type to go to the gym or the dojo and let out angry energy, but she’s not.

She just wants her escape.]

Kitchen

[neverheardofhim]

[Varric had set out looking for Estelle. He'd left her alone the past week or two, having been caught up in his own funk. No more, though. Everyone needed someone today, and while he was all over the place, he wouldn't neglect the princess anymore.]

[He approached with a thick book in his hands, and leaned against a counter nearby.]

Got a minute, princess?

[firstaid]

[She's just finished pureeing the potatoes and other ingredients so it's definitely a good time to talk. When he calls out to her, she looks to him with watery eyes, but it's clear she's doing everything to keep herself together. She's not the one hurting the most tonight. Therefore she must stay strong.

That won't stop her from wiping the tears away from her eyes before she speaks and gives him a smile.]

Y-yes, I do!

[neverheardofhim]

[The tears were hard to miss, and Varric noted them with a frown. He wished he were both closer and taller, to have been able to wipe them away for her. She might have been trying to stay strong, but that didn't mean she couldn't show a little emotion. At least in front of him.]

[He shook the thoughts from his head and held out the book. His name was inscribed on the cover.]

I told you if I ever found it, I'd bring this to you...

[firstaid]

Oh, is that the book you wrote?

[Her smile becomes a little more genuine and her voice sounds sincere. She's really happy he brought it to her.]

[neverheardofhim]

Sure is. [He opened it up, pointing a page with his portrait on it, amonst a few others.] "The Tale of the Champion," my best selling work. Here for you to read.

I promised a few other people I'd let them read it, but you can have it first. Once everyone else has finished though, you can keep it. I'll even sign it for you.

[firstaid]

[Estelle's not going to lie to herself -- she's honored he's giving it to her first to read.]

I'll be sure to read it then. I can get it back to you in two days.

[So on Monday, likely. Given how fast anyone has seen this girl get through a book, it shouldn't come as a surprise.]

And no, I couldn't keep it. Isn't it special to you?

[neverheardofhim]

There's plenty of copies back home, Princess. No need to worry about that.

[Not one to be argued with, Varric quickly shifted to changing the subject, focusing instead on the food she was cooking up. His head angled to the side slightly as he looked over the ingredients.]

What is this?

[firstaid]

[Well, since he asked, she shall answer.]

It's vichyssoise. It's a soup with potatoes as a primary ingredient and served cold.

[But she likes it and she likes making it.]

kitchen;

[tsugomori]

Miss Estelle, would this be the time for us to try making the cake together?

[ He'll be stepping into the kitchen again at some point anyway, and so here he is...

He hopes the suggestion could help be a bit of a distraction, but it really depends, won't it? ]

[firstaid]

I...

[She sees him, offering a smile.]

Yes, I think it would be a good time.

[Right now, she desperately needs the distraction. Something to make her forget where they are, that Gold just died and went down with a fight. That she lost a friend.]

[tsugomori]

[ ... Then now is certainly a fantastic time for that. He'll even go ahead and come closer so he can be right by her. And then, he'll smile a bit helplessly... ]

I know the ingredients only to make a tea cake. Is this all set out for a normal cake? If it is, I think this is the part where not only teamwork will be helpful, but also if you can make sure I'm doing things correctly will be good.

[firstaid]

[She's got sugar, flour, butter, eggs, vanilla extract, baking powder, and milk set out. It will be a very simple white cake, but it's a cake nonetheless. The simpler is probably the better right now.]

I might be able to teach you to do things correctly, in that case. The recipe is something I have memorized so I know the measurements and such needed for each ingredient.

[She gives him a small smile. Though then she thinks for a bit, something off topic.]

I've always noticed that you're so strong around these times and supporting others. Are you doing that right now? I mean helping others. I... very rarely see you sad.

[tsugomori]

[ He doesn't seem to mind answering, at any rate. ]

I am doing that right now, yes. Feeling sad for very long is an unusual thing for me... or much at all. You see, I am used to acclimating to situations that end up having "loss"...

It's good that, while I don't really like what happened, I am not feeling too sorrowful to the point where I feel very down. Times like these, there needs to be someone who can reach out to others.

... I hope I haven't worried you, by the way.

[firstaid]

[She shakes her head at his statement.]

No, you haven't. You just seem... I don't know. Like you just have it all together. It's not like this doesn't affect you, I've seen you get mad at trials, but afterward you're always so composed.

[She starts measuring some flour and then pouring it into a large mixing bowl.]

I wish I was that strong. Instead, I'm here trying to be as distracted as possible. To wallow in sadness and let it take me over, I feel that would just be giving up. My friends aren't here to tell me to 'go on' and that 'I can overcome this' so I have to imagine they're here sometimes, telling me to keep fighting. I... know there are many thoughts I have about being here, but... I...

[She sighs.]

And it's not just about me. There are others here who need comfort. To be honest, me doing all this is selfish, but if the end product is something that can comfort someone else, then I'm happy.

[She's rambling on and she knows it as she starts to measure the sugar. Distractions. She just wants distractions. She wants to escape.]

[tsugomori]

In order to get to that point, there were many things I had to witness that I couldn't turn away from.

[ "Even scenes I didn't want to see, and sounds I didn't want to hear--"

He'll just shake his head. ]

But, they helped immensely, as I was able to deal with the things I can now, because of them. Without them, I'm sure I'd be less composed, as unfortunate as that can be to say...but...

[ But as he's talking, he's not just standing still. He doesn't want her to think what she's doing is selfish, because he doesn't think that it is, and so he will choose the moment to begin to reach out to her at first to place a hand on her shoulder. ]

Estelle, you can be strong too, even if it is not exactly in the same way as I can or anyone else, and what you are doing is not selfish either. You are trying to help out in the best way you can, aren't you? I am sure some people here would be happy to have a cake right now. It just so happens that doing this also happens to benefit you a little too, and what is wrong with something like that?

[firstaid]

[She's definitely listening to him as she then pours the measured amount of baking soda in. She mixes all the powders together as he continues to speak to her, however, once he places that hand on her shoulder she stops and starts shaking a little bit. Is she strong? If anything she feels weak right now, not able to go out and comfort others, instead escaping on her own.]

I-I know... I just... wish I could be there for others. I wish I could hug them and tell them that we will all be okay, yet even I can't believe that anymore. [Her voice is a little shaky.]

We're all stuck in this game of murder and no one can do anything about it.

[She drops her spoon into the bowl and instead finds herself against Mikazuki's chest, her hands grasping on to the front of his clothes.]

Mikazuki... I'm scared.

[She's been strong for so long yet she feels herself breaking little by little. Who is her friend? Who is her enemy? Who would be willing to kill her for one of those incentives? It's terrifying not knowing if anyone allying with her may be her enemy. She doesn't want to believe, nor does she know, but...

...that's what makes this all the more terrifying. Optimism only goes so far anymore.]

dining hall

[deofoled]

[ Killia's here sometime between all of his running around tonight, and notices that she's a bit off by herself.]

Are you okay?

[firstaid]

[She sees Killia and offers him a forced smile and a nod.]

Y-yes I am. I figured I would come and see how everyone was doing after... after that trial.

[deofoled]

...I've been doing that a lot longer than you have, even if I don't smile while doing it.

[ He's pretty well versed in pretending to hold everything together while it's actually the opposite.]

[firstaid]

[Is he... calling her out? Her smile wavers a bit, but it comes back. Killia is always guarded around it it seems, with occasional times of showing genuine emotion so she figures maybe this is how she should start acting around him.

Pretend she's okay.]

What are you talking about? Oh, you mean helping others after this trial? You seem like you've been rather preoccupied with that.

[deofoled]

[ He totally is, yup.]

No, pretending to be fine.

[firstaid]

[Her smile wavers once more, and keeping it this time is more forced.]

It's... I'm okay. [No, she's not.] I've been doing what I can to make sure this doesn't affect me as much as it could.

[Escapism. It's one of the things she's great at.]

[deofoled]

Estelle, if you don't want to talk about it I'm not going to force you to.

[ Because that is the last thing he is here for, one of the things he values the most.]

But you still need to take care of yourself.

[firstaid]

[This wouldn't be the first time she's heard to take care of herself. Not here, but back home. Yuri would tell her not to overdo herself and suddenly she'd end up winded or passed out from overworking herself. Here... it's no different. Just a completely different context.]

There's nothing to talk about. It's... the same as everyone is likely feeling.

[So she'll bottle it up, find a way to pretend that feeling isn't there. She's not hurting the worst of all so she feels like she needs to keep herself composed. But it's also she just doesn't want to feel this pain.]

And don't worry, I'll take care of myself. I've been able to do that much so far.