trusthell | I still regret every word, that day, I never said

I still regret every word, that day, I never said

[ This trial was a mess. Hard on everyone, filled with conflicting emotions, and the twists and turns in it made it unsatisfying for everyone involved. That's probably become the norm at this point though! As have the gatherings in the aftermath of them. This time around the letter comes under everyone's door fairly quickly into the evening, following only a short delay for those organizing it to get things together and console themselves enough to be presentable. ]

Come to the dining room if you want to be with people. I will have board games, cards, food, and drink. We also will be writing letters to the dead, if you want to do that around others.

- Elda, Hanyuu, and Mikazuki

[ The dining room's set up is once again fairly simple. Hanyuu broad board games, Elda brought some rpg books though she doesn't expect anything to come of it, and there are a lot of envelopes, paper, and pens from the mail room. The mail room's going to close tonight, of course, but most of the letters will probably be written privately anyway. Elda just wanted people to be sure they knew they could.

Food wise, there's grilled meat and fish, rice, cream puffs (all Hanyuu!) Mikazuki's tea (both black and green!) and Elda's ... spicy fries. Some of them are more mild! However, the mild ones are covered in sugar so uh... that's probably not better. Either way, have at ]

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[ Elda isn't kind enough not to pick up the Queen, which would ensure her victory with the next discard. But she also doesn't play it immediately. ]

It's not a feeling I share. But then, many of us have had different reasons to mourn at different times. To me, this trial and its aftermath is significantly more sad then when we banished Killia to the pit. But you - obviously you cannot agree with me in that regard, can you?

[Estelle doesn't really think anything of it. She stares at the Queen she picks up and realizes she could have played it, but instead, she is more focused on this conversation.]

I honestly really can't. I... last week was... awful.

[ . . . ]

Last week was a week that, should my night go the way I hope it will, I'll remember fondly for the rest of my days. [ She smiles, spinning the two cards in her hand ] That is not to say I was not sad when Tethras passed, that I did not have unfulfilled talks I wanted to have with Viktor or Killia, or that I did not have other hardships. I still worry about that memory I received. No, rather, other events from the week have conspired to make something special for me.

[ . . . She laughs. ]

Conversely, I very much doubt any save me have any sympathy for Ushiromiya.

[ That's not true, she knows, even as she says it. ... She is certain Hanyuu must. ]

[Memories, huh? Hers... have hardly been kind to her as she just looks down at her remaining hand.]

Elda... if we are able to escape-- [She sighs... No, she shouldn't burden anyone else with her memories.]

--never mind. My memories... I suppose they are something I need to deal with on my own.

[Or maybe with the few friends she actually trusts. She doesn't really know.

Being here-- it's made her so lost. She hasn't felt this way since she first escaped the castle.]

[ Sharply: ]

No, speak your mind, girl.

[ . . . ]

There are only twelve of us left. That's few enough I can consider you all mine. We are all a community now.

[Hanyuu was mentioning the same thing. That they need to bond together...

She doesn't want to admit this-- she's really only told Mikazuki this, but--]

Elda... if we escape... and if we go home... I... think I'm going to die.

[And that terrifies her. Here she feels like she can fight, but... her memories... they all tell her she's going to die.]

[ . . . Oh.

She didn't see that coming. But maybe she should have. That same fear had been part of what motivated Gold and Silver to make the choice they did. The woman continues to spin the queen and the other card in her hand, but one of her hands lowers to draw her nail along the table, going towards Estelle. ]

You needn't be returned to that same time and place, I would imagine.

If I could return to the time before all this happened, I... I would change so much. I... would make sure that I wouldn't kill Belius, I would make sure that I wouldn't have gotten kidnapped by someone I trusted and called my friend. That way... that way... I wouldn't be forced in a situation where... my friends... my comrades... they wouldn't have to kill me. I put them in danger simply because of who I am: A Child of the Full Moon. I... am a poison. A walking, living poison.

[There you go Elda, you reached Level 4 Friendship and unlocked her tragic backstory. CONGRATS!]

[ A poison?

She'd referred to that moon thing before, the other day. Elda didn't get it then and frankly she doesn't get it now. More to give her hands something to do than anything when Estelle speaks, she lays down the Queen and discards her last card, winning the hand.

... Of course, the game is immaterial. ]

The devil does that mean? Poison? What's being from the moon got to do with any of that?

I believe we're a race of people. Most people can't use magic, but we... I can. I may be the only one of my race alive. No, that's not quite right. There must be more, but I received the power of the Child of the Full Moon in full. Just by existing, I'm actually causing an imbalance of Aer... something that if not balanced correctly will kill my world. Phaeroh said so and he wished me dead. I killed his sister, after all. I... I don't blame him.

My friends, they defended me but... I don't know if they can any longer.

[Hopefully that makes things make more sense? Or maybe she made it more convoluted. Who knows?]

That... was likely the reason I was locked in the castle for the first eighteen years of my life.

[ Definitely more convoluted, really. But as Estelle talks, Elda's teeth grit. She wonders how many others here know this. In the back of her mind, she suspects Hanyuu does. That woman holds every burden for everyone. But that's beside the point.

The point is that Elda Marker is standing from the table, planting her hand on it, and vaulting over it to get next to Estelle. And that she is grabbing hold of Estelle's hand, ]

Then we'll ship you off to some other world! And if that one dies, to some other one after that! Don't you give me that poison shit! If a race or a species exists, then it has every right to, and if it makes things easier for humans for them not to then I couldn't possibly care less!

[She's never told Hanyuu, to be honest. When they talked, either Hanyuu was comforting her or the other way around. Never has she told the god about her burdens.

But there's no doubt, Estelle's surprised by her actions. After first she thinks she's going to get hit as she reflexively backs away, but then she realizes the vampire is holding her hand...

It takes her a moment to comprehend, but she realizes... Elda talked about the same thing. Her race dying. Estelle... basically just said that about herself, didn't she?]

I... just want to be with my friends. I don't want to hurt them. Either here or back home on Terca Lumereis. Before I left the castle, I had no friends so... back home those I befriended mean everything to me. As those I've befriended here.

[ Elda nods. She doesn't understand, of course - how could she? - but she continues to squeeze the girl's hand. ]

You won't. You couldn't hurt me if you tried.

[ Does that mean they're friends? ... Not really. ]

Girl, you might be noble, but you needn't carry the trappings of that. We'll work out a place for you. Or well, I'm sure Kimihiro will, if you ask. I'm sure the others will do all they can, if you allow them. And as for me- [ She leans in, her fangs bared. ]

Don't you ever call you or yours a poison to my face again.

[Even if Elda doesn't consider Estelle a friend, Estelle does consider Elda a friend.]

I...

[Ah... Estelle gets it now. Elda is very much like Yuri in that sense.]

I promise. I'm sorry.

Good.

[ ... And then she lets go for her hand.

... But then makes to pull on the back of her head in an agile movement, to bring Estelle's head into her (Elda's) chest. If she completes this movement, she's going to stroke the back of the girl's scalp gently.

This isn't as natural as it was with Silver, but. ]

And don't apologize to me, Estellise. You owe me nothing.

[...ah. It's been a long time since she's been held like this. Perhaps the last time was when her mother was alive. So long ago. It... really takes her back.]

Even so...

[She smiles.]

I once said back home that it was 'Okay if I have to die.' One of my friends, he said that he never wanted me to say that ever again. You... reminded me of him.

[ First Kimihiro, now her. She resists the urge to snarl, instead putting that energy into continuing the gentle motion of her long nails - sharp, if Estelle's ever seen her use them, which she has, cutting the button - against the girl's scalp. Elda shakes her head, humming some ]

Well it seems he's got a good head on his shoulders. It's not okay. Why do you think all of the ones we've thrown int the pit have struggled, in the end?

[ ... Well, maybe not Alani. But hey, details ]

[Yes, she knows those nails could be deadly weapons if they wished to be. Either way, it is calming.]

Because despite their sins, they wanted to live.

[That's all almost anyone wanted to do here-- just live.]

With how our trials end, I suspect many of them pushed their own names during the voting. Or it they did not, they had accepted death before going in the pit, at least one some level.

[ . . . ]

And yet despite that, they fought against what they accepted.

[ She... keeps holding Estelle, and finishes with: ] It is the right - no, prerogative of all who live try to keep living. Somehow, and that instinct ought not to be denied.

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I still regret every word, that day, I never said

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