trusthell | WEEK 7.

WEEK 7.

WEEK 7
Oerba Dia Vanille, Phi, and Gangrel have joined the deceased, dropping your number even further. This is the second week that the death toll has risen by three, just by way of murder alone.

With well over half of your number deceased, how much longer can this go on?

Saturday is given to regrouping and rest; on Sunday morning the clock chimes as it always has, but at least there are no bodies to find today. It seems you're safe for now. The night before wasn't necessarily a peaceful one, however; you'll probably feel a bit groggy when you wake up, and it seems you've regained something that you didn't realize you'd lost...

As before, it seems that door at the bottom of the stairwell has been unlocked, allowing you to descend even further into the depths of the university; perhaps the new floor holds something promising for you.

Or perhaps you'll "christen" this one with another murder. Given the current pattern, that probably wouldn't be a surprise.

APPRENTICES REMAINING: 12

SUNDAY | MONDAY | TUESDAY | WEDNESDAY | THURSDAY

[OOC: Welcome to week seven of Trustfell! Feel free to make as many top levels as you'd like and tag out to other characters! This post is for all of your interactions this week... at least until the weekend. Don't forget to save those threads for coins and the activity check!

If you'd like to get in contact with the Wordsmith, you can do so through letters or the switchboard!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[...Oh. She- oh, Hanyuu hadn't thought of it like...]

I always thought mine fit but...because I'd never be able to see the bright side ever. I started to wonder if it still did, but now... Yes, I think...that lines up, very well.

[A stretch it may be, but Hanyuu is fine with that.]

[ Elda's smile becomes less pronounced and then...

... Well she nips a little at Hanyuu's ear, oops. She backs off just as quickly though, and asks, ]

Would you share any of those thoughts with me?

[ She tries hard to make it sound like a more flippant question, like she won't be offended if Hanyuu doesn't. ... The truth is, of course, she will, but that's small potatoes as compared to the motive they've been given earlier today. ]

[The tiniest yelp. It's mostly from surprise, the nip- it's not bad-]

I... They aren't pleasant to dwell on... ...The first time I spoke with the Wordsmith, actually, I... He called me by it and I was so taken aback, he asked if I thought it didn't fit, but...it was the opposite.

I... Before Rika... When I woke up here... I had barely any hope of speaking with anyone. It was...like I had a fog around me. A fog I put myself into, because...I was too afraid of believing. [...] The more I became that, during those hundred years of Endless June, the more...it hurt Rika. The more she hoped and felt let down, the more it hurt me. We both...loved each other, more than anything, but we could do nothing to help, only hurt. So I tried to stop hurting.

I tried to stop anything...by assuming nothing would work out...just waiting, for a random throw of the dice to save us. I told Rika the same. You can't get let down, your heart can't die if you don't expect the good. I thought...it was the best thing to do. The only...thing to do.

[ Elda is silent. She allows Hanyuu to talk - she... actually she didn't even mean her thoughts about this, but the ones that saw her locking the door earlier. But she'll listen to whatever Hanyuu has to say, holding her from behind. Nuzzling her closer. She braces her. And...

Well, she clearly is being kind ]

I thought...I could make myself stop caring, and it would be better.

[She leans into the touch. Don't worry, Elda, she'll get there, very fast.]

I thought... [...] ...I never want to go back to that again. So, I... I-I needed... I needed some time alone...so I wouldn't drag anyone into that, with me. Because if I started, I didn't...know if I'd be able to stop.

[She and Rika were a feedback loop, so to speak. On and on, again and again, trapped...]

[ Honestly, she's not sure she understands this completely, but then to understand Hanyuu has always been a thing. Sometimes it's intuitive, where long off life experience allows her (what she assumes is) perfect insight. Other times differing perspectives make it a little confusing.

So Hanyuu... Thought she might drag someone into her little loop? Was that the worry? Elda almost says she doesn't see how that could be possible but- no, no. It clearly is.

Should she say something? Not sure if the timing, she decides to wait and see if Hanyuu has more to say ]

[She seems mostly done, but-

But-]

I- I... I had to- I asked the Wordsmith, about it. The incentive. ...I'm afraid what people might do. I don't...want to lose, anymore. And it seems like nothing we do...will stop us from losing.

[ . . . ]

What did you ask him, Hanyuu?

You'll be angry with me.

[ Honestly: ]

I'm certain I will.

I asked him...if an Apprentice's death by their own hand would count towards breaking Rule Seven.

[ . . . She knew it, she knew it, she knew it. Elda's body suddenly feels cold, and she tightens her grip around her lover. It's not so much caring now as it is possessive. As it is- ]

Hanyuu, no.

[ Hanyuu was right, she is angry, and she tries to present that as such. But what comes out isn't anger, not really - what projects is fear. ]

Edited 2017-03-09 08:48 (UTC)

[Fear's worse than anger. She knows that fear. It makes her look away and shut her eyes tightly.]

I wouldn't be me if I didn't ask, Elda. I had to.

[...But she didn't bring it up at the meeting.]

[ She knows, of course she knows that- ! But all the same, Elda Marker: ]

You will not leave me alone, Hanyuu! I refuse to allow that, not for anything or anyone!

[ Elda's grip on her tightens, pulling her in towards her despite her shouting. The woman's eyes go wide, and though Hanyuu can't see it, she must know they have shifted to that more cat-like state ]

[It's like... It's like her yelling at Rika. 'You promised we would stay together!' She promised. She...

...Elda Marker may be selfish, but Hanyuu Furude has been just as selfish, before. So she recognizes that desperation, and she doesn't fight it.]

I- I kn-know. I know, it was- awful of me to ask. I can't- I've been, all day, I've been thinking but, I-

I-

[...]

I knew, at the meeting, the moment I saw you, I- I couldn't do it.

[ Elda... Elda actually sob, deflating a little as she collapses into Hanyuu. She'd been prepared to fight, to make some promise of her own or to make some threat. Anything to justify herself, to convince Hanyuu of her stupid duties and how she-

Elda doesn't form that, she just cries. Cries and, ]

I-- knew you would ask. [ Inhale, exhale ] I jammed letters in for him all day. That bastard- taunted me.

[Hanyuu feels her blood go cold, and she can only just get her numb hands to reach up, and wrap around Elda's clinging arms.]

He what? [...Oh that's- a bit of danger in her voice, isn't it?] What did he tell you?

[ The words on the page - because of course she wrote a letter earlier today - are repeated, just as they appeared. they are burned into her very soul ]

"How interesting that I should be approached with another asking the same question regarding suicide. That seems to be a popular idea this week." [ . . . ] "while I am not obligated to disclose what others tell me in confidence, perhaps that paranoia is well-founded."

[Hanyuu...

Hanyuu sees red.]

How dare he... How dare-- after all I've- after--

[She grits her teeth and tries, so hard, to swallow down this anger. How much she's talked to him... How much she's tried to- how she even thanked him--]

[As quick as it rises, she forces it down.

Never again, not ever again. And especially not with Elda here, clinging to her, sobbing. She'll probably notice Hanyuu's barely controlled trembling.]

I- I considered- because I had to, but I- I came to the conclusion that-

[...]

I could never, I could never do that to someone I loved!

[ How old has she become? How weak has be become? Elda Marker needed to return to her family, damn the consequences. She needed to return to Karin especially, so that she... so that sh might do something about what she's going through. That something could...

And yet, here she is. Elda Marker, crying. Elda Marker, so desperate to cling to someone here that she would even think to consider putting her trust in something else, in someone else for something so -

... She inhales deep, getting control of her sobs. And she scoots, significantly less agile than normal, so that she can face Hanyuu head on. ]

... Hanyuu.

[ Someone that she loved? And Hanyuu's trembling - that was anger, wasn't it? ]

[As soon as Elda's looking her in the eye, Hanyuu manages to squirm an arm free so she can touch the other's cheek. Her face is flushed, both from how upsetting the situation is and how angry she is. And...from something else too.

Hanyuu, she- she takes a deep breath, because she barely can keep herself looking straight, and she tries to stop the residual rage from rising back to the surface.]

There's a part of me that's still- very very afraid to get attached, but- I've felt love before. That's...this. And I-I will hold on to it, while I can.

[ Hanyuu was afraid of being attached? Hanyuu, who loved everyone and was loved in return. Hanyuu, who wanted to look out for everyone and took all their sins. Hanyuu, who Elda was certain had in his heart forgiven or at least intended to do well for the soul of even Yoshikage Kira? The whole idea of that was laughable to her to the point that he eyes widen a little, and her tongue begs to speak those words.

... But then she realizes.

Hanyuu Furude - no, rather, Hai=Ryuun Ieasomuuru Jeda was a god. And Elda Marker, who hates gods, might not necessarily believe in this, but a god forgives. A god takes in sin, a god judges, but a god protects their people. These people were her people, and a god would do everything they could for those people. At least a just god. At least... a fair god. A god like Hanyuu.

But by definition, a god was apart from those people. A god could pretend as much as they wanted, but there was a difference between an ape and human and even if all peoples share the same souls, the duties and burdens of a god must be unknowable to a mere mortal. And so a god could not play favorites even if they wanted to, only render judgement. At least... ideally.

And so. To be attached was something else. It was the ultimate extension of something Elda had said weeks and weeks ago. A mortal cannot fall in love with a god, and the love between a god and a lesser being might as well be the love between a fish and a giraffe.

... But they were equals, weren't they?

... She doubts Hanyuu thinks even half of this, on some level, but Elda Marker chooses that to be her "truth." ]

[ All of that is processed in the time it takes for her to wipe her face free of tears. She didn't want to have tears in her eyes for this. That said. She's not sure she manages it.

... After all, she is selfish. ]

You... [ Elda reaches her hand out, to stroke Hanyuu's cheek as well, ] Don't back out on me now, you... [ Inhale, and her smile becomes all the more warm. ] you promised me a future. And I long to see it, Hanyuu.

Edited 2017-03-10 06:09 (UTC)

[In the last few days, Hanyuu has been acutely reminded that she both can never be on the same level as anyone she loves- and that it's only right for her to be their equals. Her memories, they play havoc with her each week, affirming or contradicting, such a long period of time with each set.

It's impossible for her not to remember, standing in the rain and shielding the club. Reaching out a hand to a dazed Takano, who resembled more of a child than a woman at the time. Playing alongside them for the first time, Rika's outstretched palm, in that moment somehow Ouka smiling through.

...Hanyuu has no answers for this. She is a god, but yet allowed another chance at a peaceful, unified life. She can live, but she is and always will be inherently different. These two truths coexist for her, and with how long she's lived...

If you don't believe, you can't be hurt. If you don't interact, you can't be hurt. This is what she strives to leave behind. So, that's why...]

And you will. We will both...see that future, however we have to get there. [The hand on her cheek helps her to find calm, and she's able to return the smile. She's able to let herself melt in the embrace.] I won't retreat... Never again, alright?

[A kiss to Elda's forehead.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: suicide discussion

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

I made this icon for this sob

it was worth it bc i saw it and my heart just died