i feel the love, and i feel it burn, down this river every turn

[oyashiromama]

[The trial, as usual, was taxing. It's for different reasons every week, but what it all comes down to is there are fewer of them than there were, and that keeps on happening. The note comes, as it always does, earlier than last week, but still with some delay. There's a note slipped under everyone's door. ...One under Gold's door because of course Silver will be staying there, she knows.]

Please come to the dining room, if you would like not to be alone. There will be food, and there will be some cards and board games if you need a distraction.

- Hanyuu & Elda

[True to that, there are a variety of foods. It's nothing too fancy. Rice, grilled fish, eggs in various styles. ...No creampuffs this time, it seems Hanyuu thought that would be a little in poor taste. Also a bunch of fries? ...Really spicy fries, like incredibly so.

On a far table, board games brought from the games room have been left out, along with many decks of cards.]

Comments

[tsugomori]

Oh.

[ Mikazuki is not sure which he prefers. He's never really held to a ceremony in particular himself, and for awhile he didn't understand "Mourning Tea" was even a thing very well. Until now, really, and he just sits down on the bed.

...Also that sounded pretty unfortunate, and this is why he doesn't think he could ever think the man unreasonable for holding a grudge at least. ]

I don't think I've had I've followed, even though there's so many on my world I think I'd lose count. So, I had wondered if there was something you did. I don't think I'd be someone who is able to come up with stories, either... so I think, after all, having something simple to do for the sake of someone who died may be just as good.

[ Or better, but saying that sounds rude considering who died. ]

[plegia]

Simplicity is the best, sometimes.

[He considers that for a moment, then adds onto it.]

The tea's just a reminder of those who have fallen here. I doubt I'll do the same thing when I return home. As pathetic as it sounds, most of the people here mean more to me than my own subjects.

[Not like that's hard, since most of his subjects want him dead.]

[tsugomori]

No, no... I think I understand a bit, more then I did earlier here. Well, it's probably not the same for me as it is for you, but... ah, I've managed to form some bonds here that I think are a bit closer than the ones I've made at home.

[ ... Well, he's sure that it is a very short list of people, there and on that list, one of them is dead, but... ]

Plus, if someone died at home in battle, they can just come back, where here its uncertain.

[plegia]

...You come from a world where people can come back from dying in battle?

[so do you gangrel, you just have to play on casual]

Well, anyway, I feel the same way. It's...

[stupid to get attached to anyone here but thankfully he catches himself before he can say it. Mikazuki doesn't need to hear that right now.]

...I usually don't get attached to anyone. It's annoying.

[That's not really the word he's looking for, though.]

[tsugomori]

Yes, even if they break, if you reforge them, they're back, even if they might not remember how they died or anything.

[ ... Unless they decide to like try to change history or no one reforges them. Then they probably won't come back. ]

It's been a long time since I've been able to get close to anyone. I didn't really want to, at first. Because I know that when you lose them for good, that's when it'll hurt. But, I suppose that's something none of us could help, sometimes it just ... happens, and while we're trying to keep one person out, more people come in.

[plegia]

[That's exactly it. Gangrel's quiet for a long moment before speaking up.]

...The last person I let in turned out to be working with the Grimleal. Her purpose was to keep an eye on me. She never liked me to begin with.

[Okay, that's putting words in Aversa's mouth, but it's probably close enough.]

I didn't remember that at first, but I didn't want to let any of you in anyway. That's how you get hurt; that's how you get killed. You trust no one and maybe you'll stand a chance of living for long enough to see your ambitions fulfilled.

[Or you slip and you befriend someone and it comes to bite you in the ass later. Like now.]

[tsugomori]

I suppose so...although I don't think I have many ambitions.

But.. back when I was just a spirit who could only watch things happen, one of my Masters had been betrayed by two of his supposed allies, who killed him.

[ Mikazuki did agree with what he's said, but even knowing this, all that time...

He looks down at his hands...

Was that going to be the end for him as well? But, even if it does happen ... he remembers the memories he's shared, some of which were very precious to him. He looks up at Gangrel, recalling that silly incident where he wore that outfit. It was enough to make him almost smile, if not for what had just happened. ]

Ah well...if I hadn't befriended anyone, I wouldn't have had a chance to have those wonderful times with you, Killia, and the others. Even if it's really hurting right now.

[plegia]

...The pain doesn't stop. Not really. But your experiences are important and as long as you remember them... I think that's important, anyway.

[He's bad at this and he'll always be bad at this, but he understands, sort of. A long time ago he had people he cared about and they died. And he's grown close to some of the people here too - Alani, Kimbley, Gold, and now Killia. Each of their deaths hurts in a way he hasn't felt in over a decade.

He hates it, but Mikazuki's certainly experiencing something worse.]

[tsugomori]

Yes, yes...that is true.

[ Mikazuki folds his hands in his lap; lot of these experiences were ones he'd never want to forget. Not even the most painful ones. Though, he releases a shaky sigh of sorts.

He is a little afraid for the future, but after today (its hard for him to be positive now) he will have to try to look forward again. If he can.

He falls quiet for a moment,... it's been a long day, but he manages to give Gangrel a tired smile. The most he can manage. ]

[plegia]

[...]

You know you don't have to pretend around me. I don't expect you to be able to smile after everything that happened. If that's what you want to do, then that's fine, but you don't have to pretend for my sake.

[It's blunt as usual, but it's... kind of an attempt?? Gods, he's so bad at this.]

[tsugomori]

...Ah... really?

...

[ Mikazuki's smile then drops right then and there as he then stands up off of the bed, and comes closer to the other man. It's painful trying to pretend, so it's a relief that someone doesn't want him to, and raises a hand to rub at his eyes. He'll at least try not to break down and cry again (although if he does, he thinks Gangrel wouldn't blame him, so maybe it might be fine).

He already knows Gangrel did so much for him, so he didn't want to be a burden. He stops a little nearby from the other man, and then raises his hands out, for a hug, tentatively. He's prepared to draw his hands back, though, at the first indication the other man doesn't want them to do anything like that. ]

[plegia]

[...Mikazuki... Were this anyone else and were this anywhere else, he'd absolutely refuse. Hell, he'd probably refuse if the situation was any different, but as it stands Mikazuki probably needs the contact. He doesn't really have any reason for giving it beyond "you were nice to me and I kind of like you" but sometimes that's enough to get you to do something a little outside of your comfort zone.

He awkwardly pulls Mikazuki in and pats his back (careful of his nails, of course). The entire thing is hella awkward, but he's kind of trying.]

You're damned lucky I have a soft spot for you.

[...not that it's gonna stop him from being tsun about it.]

[tsugomori]

[ He's honestly relieved the other man allowed him this, so he will take this moment while he still can and hold onto him tightly in the embrace. He's ... really needed this badly, and he's the type of person that likes physical contact so it helps by like a lot.

So, at this point... may as well get it all out; there are tears that begin to fall once more. There are just so many emotions running through him. Sadness with a mixture of gratefulness. ]

Thank you, Gangrel...thank you...

[plegia]

[Huffffff. The things he does for you. He suffers so much!!!

But it's not like he's going to try to stop Mikazuki, he'll just awkwardly pat his back for awhile.]

You're welcome, I guess. Don't you dare spread word of this to the others.

[tsugomori]

[ There's another one of those sniffles. ]

... I promise, I won't.

[ Mikazuki almost can feel himself smile at his words.

Even now, the way Gangrel is seems to be something welcoming to him, which may sound strange, but it is what it is... ]

[plegia]

Good. The last thing I need is for you to sink my reputation like this.

[...his reputation of being a tremendous asshole??? why are you like this, gangrel.]

[tsugomori]

[ Mikazuki smiles a little... although this time it isn't so much forced even if it couldn't be seen at the moment. ]

That would be a terrible thing, wouldn't it?

[ He pulls back a bit. ]