i feel the love, and i feel it burn, down this river every turn

[oyashiromama]

[The trial, as usual, was taxing. It's for different reasons every week, but what it all comes down to is there are fewer of them than there were, and that keeps on happening. The note comes, as it always does, earlier than last week, but still with some delay. There's a note slipped under everyone's door. ...One under Gold's door because of course Silver will be staying there, she knows.]

Please come to the dining room, if you would like not to be alone. There will be food, and there will be some cards and board games if you need a distraction.

- Hanyuu & Elda

[True to that, there are a variety of foods. It's nothing too fancy. Rice, grilled fish, eggs in various styles. ...No creampuffs this time, it seems Hanyuu thought that would be a little in poor taste. Also a bunch of fries? ...Really spicy fries, like incredibly so.

On a far table, board games brought from the games room have been left out, along with many decks of cards.]

Comments

[tsugomori]

[ Mikazuki nodded, and he bites his lip a little, actually a tad bit afraid Gangrel would get angry at him for asking. But... he supposes he only needed help with it once now that he has his Internal Affairs wear. So, maybe it won't be too hard, if it was just for one time... ]

T...thank you again, Gangrel. I will never forget what you've done for me...ah...

[ He sniffs. Time to bite the bullet.

It's been awhile since he's been anxious and embarrassed about anything, but ... honestly right now, things are hard to deal with. ]

I'm sorry to ask this of you, but... Killia had been the one to help me out of this outfit since I couldn't undress or redress myself for the three layers of this clothing. He usually helped me until I just had the white kimono since I could take care of that myself, and-- I...I need a little help getting off the first three layers since I can't reach the buttons...

[plegia]

[He could complain about Mikazuki's choice of words (he's not being nice, so there's nothing for Mikazuki to remember) but he decides against complaining for once.

Of course, he's not entirely sure what to do with the rest of that.]

Why do you wear something so complicated if you can't even get out of it?

[But he sighs heavily and rolls his eyes.]

I suppose I can help, just this once.

[this is going to be a production with his nails, but you know what, he's willing to try to help. but only just this once!!!]

[tsugomori]

[ His lips turn up into a smile, it's an infinitesimal and slightly teary one, but it's one nonetheless. He somehow manages to look really relieved and happy at the same time. ]

Ah, well... I'm not sure. When I was first given form, I was wearing these clothing. I suppose I became quite used to them...

[ He probably had drifted over to sit on the bed during this time, but then he'll stand up so to make it easier on Gangrel. Who to think someone in this murdergame would go through the trouble of wearing four layers of clothing... ]

[plegia]

You really are ridiculous.

[It's lighter than it usually is though, just to make it clear that it's teasing and not serious. He'll get to work on those buttons, careful with his nails and the clothes alike to make sure nothing rips or breaks in the case of his long, perfect nails.

Eventually the battle with clothing will be won!! We did it.]

...Do you want to stay in here for the night? I'm not sharing my bed, but I can get someone to bring yours in.

[...he is not risking his nails for moving a mattress!!!]

[tsugomori]

[ He's a little glad to hear the bit of teasing, actually...

... The fact that Mikazuki has asked two of the people with claws/long sharp nails is probably a little amusing. But he'd have never asked anyone else here, so...! He has a lot of faith in them to be able to do things like this delicately.

Looks like that at least worked out. ]

I don't think I'm quite ready to go back to my room tonight, so, sleeping with you in here would be nice. Oh and yes, if you can ask someone too, that'd be great.

[ This time the tears return, but they're silent, grateful ones, and he goes to wipe at his eyes again. He'll turn to give Gangrel a little bow. ]

You've done a good amount for me tonight...ah, would you like for me to make you some tea?

[plegia]

[He shrugs a bit at that and moves to sit back on the chair.]

Yes, I'd like that. I've got some of Alani's tea in here, if you want to share that.

[It's still bitter and he still hates it. But that's not going to stop him from drinking it in remembrance of those he actually liked here.]

I'll step out in a bit; there's something I need to check on and we'll need something to eat before the kitchen closes for the night. I'll get someone to move your bed as well.

[tsugomori]

I'd love to share some with you.

[ Honestly, Mikazuki loathes bitter things to high heaven and back, but he definitely doesn't mind drinking it this time... because he's learned of its status of it being "Mourning Tea". ]

Well...I may take a little walk around too. But probably for not too long. I do need to grab my other outfit from my room, I think. Oh, and where did you put the tea?

[ He'll take a look around the room. ]

[plegia]

Over here.

[It's on the other side of the desk, in one of those massive bags from the machine. There are two of them, there's so much tea of mourning.]

Spend as much time out as you want; I usually stay up late anyway.

[tsugomori]

[ ...Holy chalupa. He begins to wonder if Gangrel hit the jackpot in the black tea department. Either way he grabs one. ]

Alright.

It looks like we have something in common. I don't think I can imagine myself going to bed early anyway. My Master never assigned me early morning chores because of how late I sleep.

[ Or...much of any because he's actually bad at even making his own bed. ]

[plegia]

We've got that in common too. I always go back to sleep after that clock chimes and I'll stay asleep until I'm ready to get up for the day.

[Around noon or so. At least their sleep schedules work together...??]

[tsugomori]

[ He'll nod, and well at least there's that. ]

I'll be right back with the tea.

[ Mikazuki will leave, because he needs to head to the kitchen to make the tea. Thankfully, making tea doesn't take too long, so he returns soon. When he's come back, he holds out the cup to him. ]

In Plegia...was there any tradition for those who had passed?

[plegia]

[That's an interesting question. Gangrel leans back in the chair a bit as he thinks.]

Not particularly. The Grimleal held ceremonies, but only for those who chose to sacrifice themselves for Grima. The rest of us accepted that death was simply a part of life. During the war it was so common to see bodies everywhere, even in the streets. Perhaps that was just my unfortunate city, but there wasn't much time to mourn the dead with the Ylisseans determined to take out all of us.

[...]

That's why I've picked up Alani's tradition. I don't have any of my own and hers was the first I heard about.

[He likes remembering better than Varric's fantasy stories, where everything was fine. It's the same thing, but this feels less... superficial, perhaps.]

[tsugomori]

Oh.

[ Mikazuki is not sure which he prefers. He's never really held to a ceremony in particular himself, and for awhile he didn't understand "Mourning Tea" was even a thing very well. Until now, really, and he just sits down on the bed.

...Also that sounded pretty unfortunate, and this is why he doesn't think he could ever think the man unreasonable for holding a grudge at least. ]

I don't think I've had I've followed, even though there's so many on my world I think I'd lose count. So, I had wondered if there was something you did. I don't think I'd be someone who is able to come up with stories, either... so I think, after all, having something simple to do for the sake of someone who died may be just as good.

[ Or better, but saying that sounds rude considering who died. ]

[plegia]

Simplicity is the best, sometimes.

[He considers that for a moment, then adds onto it.]

The tea's just a reminder of those who have fallen here. I doubt I'll do the same thing when I return home. As pathetic as it sounds, most of the people here mean more to me than my own subjects.

[Not like that's hard, since most of his subjects want him dead.]

[tsugomori]

No, no... I think I understand a bit, more then I did earlier here. Well, it's probably not the same for me as it is for you, but... ah, I've managed to form some bonds here that I think are a bit closer than the ones I've made at home.

[ ... Well, he's sure that it is a very short list of people, there and on that list, one of them is dead, but... ]

Plus, if someone died at home in battle, they can just come back, where here its uncertain.

[plegia]

...You come from a world where people can come back from dying in battle?

[so do you gangrel, you just have to play on casual]

Well, anyway, I feel the same way. It's...

[stupid to get attached to anyone here but thankfully he catches himself before he can say it. Mikazuki doesn't need to hear that right now.]

...I usually don't get attached to anyone. It's annoying.

[That's not really the word he's looking for, though.]

[tsugomori]

Yes, even if they break, if you reforge them, they're back, even if they might not remember how they died or anything.

[ ... Unless they decide to like try to change history or no one reforges them. Then they probably won't come back. ]

It's been a long time since I've been able to get close to anyone. I didn't really want to, at first. Because I know that when you lose them for good, that's when it'll hurt. But, I suppose that's something none of us could help, sometimes it just ... happens, and while we're trying to keep one person out, more people come in.

[plegia]

[That's exactly it. Gangrel's quiet for a long moment before speaking up.]

...The last person I let in turned out to be working with the Grimleal. Her purpose was to keep an eye on me. She never liked me to begin with.

[Okay, that's putting words in Aversa's mouth, but it's probably close enough.]

I didn't remember that at first, but I didn't want to let any of you in anyway. That's how you get hurt; that's how you get killed. You trust no one and maybe you'll stand a chance of living for long enough to see your ambitions fulfilled.

[Or you slip and you befriend someone and it comes to bite you in the ass later. Like now.]

[tsugomori]

I suppose so...although I don't think I have many ambitions.

But.. back when I was just a spirit who could only watch things happen, one of my Masters had been betrayed by two of his supposed allies, who killed him.

[ Mikazuki did agree with what he's said, but even knowing this, all that time...

He looks down at his hands...

Was that going to be the end for him as well? But, even if it does happen ... he remembers the memories he's shared, some of which were very precious to him. He looks up at Gangrel, recalling that silly incident where he wore that outfit. It was enough to make him almost smile, if not for what had just happened. ]

Ah well...if I hadn't befriended anyone, I wouldn't have had a chance to have those wonderful times with you, Killia, and the others. Even if it's really hurting right now.

[plegia]

...The pain doesn't stop. Not really. But your experiences are important and as long as you remember them... I think that's important, anyway.

[He's bad at this and he'll always be bad at this, but he understands, sort of. A long time ago he had people he cared about and they died. And he's grown close to some of the people here too - Alani, Kimbley, Gold, and now Killia. Each of their deaths hurts in a way he hasn't felt in over a decade.

He hates it, but Mikazuki's certainly experiencing something worse.]

[tsugomori]

Yes, yes...that is true.

[ Mikazuki folds his hands in his lap; lot of these experiences were ones he'd never want to forget. Not even the most painful ones. Though, he releases a shaky sigh of sorts.

He is a little afraid for the future, but after today (its hard for him to be positive now) he will have to try to look forward again. If he can.

He falls quiet for a moment,... it's been a long day, but he manages to give Gangrel a tired smile. The most he can manage. ]

[plegia]

[...]

You know you don't have to pretend around me. I don't expect you to be able to smile after everything that happened. If that's what you want to do, then that's fine, but you don't have to pretend for my sake.

[It's blunt as usual, but it's... kind of an attempt?? Gods, he's so bad at this.]

[tsugomori]

...Ah... really?

...

[ Mikazuki's smile then drops right then and there as he then stands up off of the bed, and comes closer to the other man. It's painful trying to pretend, so it's a relief that someone doesn't want him to, and raises a hand to rub at his eyes. He'll at least try not to break down and cry again (although if he does, he thinks Gangrel wouldn't blame him, so maybe it might be fine).

He already knows Gangrel did so much for him, so he didn't want to be a burden. He stops a little nearby from the other man, and then raises his hands out, for a hug, tentatively. He's prepared to draw his hands back, though, at the first indication the other man doesn't want them to do anything like that. ]

[plegia]

[...Mikazuki... Were this anyone else and were this anywhere else, he'd absolutely refuse. Hell, he'd probably refuse if the situation was any different, but as it stands Mikazuki probably needs the contact. He doesn't really have any reason for giving it beyond "you were nice to me and I kind of like you" but sometimes that's enough to get you to do something a little outside of your comfort zone.

He awkwardly pulls Mikazuki in and pats his back (careful of his nails, of course). The entire thing is hella awkward, but he's kind of trying.]

You're damned lucky I have a soft spot for you.

[...not that it's gonna stop him from being tsun about it.]

[tsugomori]

[ He's honestly relieved the other man allowed him this, so he will take this moment while he still can and hold onto him tightly in the embrace. He's ... really needed this badly, and he's the type of person that likes physical contact so it helps by like a lot.

So, at this point... may as well get it all out; there are tears that begin to fall once more. There are just so many emotions running through him. Sadness with a mixture of gratefulness. ]

Thank you, Gangrel...thank you...