trusthell | WEEK 6.

WEEK 6.

WEEK 6
With the deaths of Viktor Nikiforov, Varric Tethras, and Killia, you're down to half of your original number. There's only fifteen of you left.

How much longer before your number drops again?

Saturday is given to regrouping and rest; on Sunday morning the clock chimes as it always has, but at least there are no bodies to find today. It seems you're safe for now. The night before wasn't necessarily a peaceful one, however; you'll probably feel a bit groggy when you wake up, and it seems you've regained something that you didn't realize you'd lost...

Of course, that doesn't mean that you've gained nothing else among the many, many losses you've faced; it seems that another floor has been made available to you for surviving another week.

Congratulations and well done, even if you might not necessarily appreciate the reward.

APPRENTICES REMAINING: 15

SUNDAY | MONDAY | TUESDAY | WEDNESDAY | THURSDAY

[OOC: Welcome to week six of Trustfell! Feel free to make as many top levels as you'd like and tag out to other characters! This post is for all of your interactions this week... at least until the weekend. Don't forget to save those threads for coins and the activity check!

If you'd like to get in contact with the Wordsmith, you can do so through letters or the switchboard!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That's alright then.

But, if we're going to talk about my dream, I don't want to do it somewhere other people can overhear me. Is that reasonable?

[ Mikazuki has certainly noticed her reaction when he had brought it up and despite the fact that he can be oblivious in certain situations, when it comes to people displaying unease, that's not something he's going to miss. He'll easily respect her wishes, and he figures that it has been a long time coming...because he's never got around to telling her things.

But, at the same time, he's not going to say what happened in his dream while he's standing in the hallway, so, uh. ]

[She'll open her door enough for him to enter now, trying to push past that initial unease.]

You can... can come in then.

[Right, she's being silly, isn't she? Mikazuki is her friend, right? So she'll leave her place at the door and motion for him to enter. She'll set up the chair so it's facing the bed and then after that she'll sit on the bed.]

[ Mikazuki will bow his head with a grateful expression. ]

Thank you.

[ He can't take anything for granted, not like he had done with Killia's presence. Then, he'll step further into the room and he'll seat himself in the chair. He'll place his hands in his lap. ]

Well, back at home, the memory came of the time where a friend of mine did something rash. He tried to go ahead and change history. Because of what he was trying to do... his visage began to disappear from the photos at home, as if his existence as we knew it never was. I'm sure he was about to become one of the enemy as well...

... But, I think there is something a little strange about it.

Edited 2017-02-27 03:35 (UTC)

[Estelle furrows her eyebrows a bit hearing this. She's not sure how she feels and she doesn't really want to go further into this discussion, but she said she would let him talk about his dream.]

What was so strange about it?

[Her voice is rather soft.]

The fact that he was disappearing or... is it something else?

Well, when those like myself attempt to change history... like the History Revisionists do, anything that contained their visage in it will have them erased and then soon any traces of their having existed as anyone knew it will be lost. But, I have a photo.

[ He brings a photo and shows it to her. Its of himself and everyone in the citadel. ]

Everyone is here in the photo, including the person in the memory that had himself erased from the photos back home, and was surely trying to change history...so, isn't that strange?

Edited 2017-02-27 05:08 (UTC)

[She'll lean in and look at the photo. Honestly, she's not really sure what this all means.]

Perhaps the photo comes from another point in time? [She can't believe she's saying this, but she's had a few conversations about this.]

Or perhaps... [She shakes her head, she doesn't know. Honestly, she's really confused.] ...n-never mind.

It'd have to be further ahead in time, since I don't recall this being taken earlier. Or who took it, for that matter...

[ It's ironic, since so many photos had been taken of them, around the time the dream memory... all except for this one photo. It was the only one that hadn't been. ]

But, now that I think about it, it could mean I've done something to resolve the situation so that Yamatonokami doesn't join the History Revisionists. I just may not remember it.

[ He wonders if their memories have been disturbed by the element of time passage here. ]

That... that would be a good thing if you could have done that. After all, you... would have saved...

[...your friend.

She trails off there, taking a deep breath then sighing. This time, she knows she's being the stubborn one and not talking, but-- she's not good at this. He's trying to cheer her up, maybe? Tell her that good news awaits?

Instead her head is just... a swirl of everything. Positive, negative, fear, sadness, she wants to bounce back and see the good... she really wants to.]

[ Mikazuki thought that maybe talking about his dream could help her at least open up and tell him about her dream too, so maybe it could be some sort of temporary distraction from what they've lost. But, it's not, of course it's not helping. At the same time, he's desperate to try as best as he could.

He knows it wasn't his fault... for what happened to Killia, but he's thinking maybe if he reaches out again he could prevent something like that happening to someone he cares about. He reaches out, at first thinking about trying to bring her into an embrace. But maybe, he thinks, it could be too much for her right now.

Instead he reaches out carefully to one of her hands, and if he's allowed he would try to bring that hand within both of his own. ]

Estelle...I won't force you to talk, but if there's something else that's been on your mind that is troubling, I would think it may be good for us to talk about it. It's been hard. We've been forced to do many things we wouldn't like-- we've been kidnapped against our will. But, I want to let you know that right now, we still have each other, and we still have our friends and people who care about us.

I'm not asking you to put your faith that everything will work out just yet either, but just for today, even if you can't find it within you to do it later on, to put your trust in me. I don't want you to end up isolating yourself because of what happened.

[She flinches a bit when he grabs her hand, but she allows it. There's no denying she very much likes physical contact, but something is clearly clouding her judgment right now. With everything going on, losing a friend, losing so many people here, she doesn't know what to do and is at a loss. Guidance is what she needs yet it's the one thing she refuses to seek.

When he speaks to her, she flinches at the word 'kidnapped'.]

I... don't... I... just...

[Her voice cracks as she starts shaking. Isolating herself is exactly what she would have ended up doing if someone didn't reach out to her like this.]

...who do I trust?

[And we're getting somewhere.]

[ Now, if they weren't in a situation like this, Mikazuki would have an easy answer. But the fact of the matter is, he doesn't. But a simple 'that's up to you', he thinks, is something that won't cut it, even though he knows most of his peers would, and even in the past he would've said something like that only to leave it at that. ]

It's up to you, but...I'm sure there have been people who have reached out to you, right? Why not try putting your trust in those people too? It's better than distrusting everyone, at this point.

[ Mikazuki gives her hand a squeeze, and tries to give what he means to be a reassuring smile. ]

[He's definitely not the first one to tell her this within the past 24 hours. Being told 'it's up to her' definitely doesn't help.]

How... how can you keep yourself so composed?

[This kind of nonchalant attitude isn't unfamiliar to her. She saw him expressing emotions last night and now...? She doesn't get it. Then again, maybe it's how she kept composed all these weeks until now. Until everything shattered.

Maybe it's because unlike Mikazuki, she has no world experience. When she killed Belius, she could hardly move on, but Yuri knew what to say to her.

No one here knows what to do with her and she's sure it's just an annoyance to them.]

How do you deal with loss?

[She lost her mother when she was young, but that was different... that was so long ago. Never before has she lost a close friend like that.

If anything, the fact that her speech is jumping all over the place just shows how jumbled her mind is right now.]

[ The question, How do you keep yourself composed?, he supposed maybe he shouldn't tell her how he was this morning for quite awhile, because he wasn't very composed there either. He's never really lost anyone he loved romantically, but he's honestly putting up a front of some kind to get himself through this. He's ... not exactly pretending everything is fine, but he's trying to look forward.

Emphasis on 'trying'. ]

Ah well...I used to just take it whenever I lost someone -- at that time I could hardly do much without a human form anyway. Most of the time I was just on display, but a lot of things happened before my eyes, whether or not I was taken into battle. When you watch people kill each other in front of you, argue, backstab one another...and you can't do much other than be a witness, you do ... get used to it. Even if it's someone "important".

I did have friends, though. So, I did tell myself as long as I had someone by my side, I'd be able to get through it all.

But, now... even I still need a little help. I need to make sure I'm looking ahead, or someone is nearby. It's not easy, but it really does help if you let someone in.

[ He doesn't say that it doesn't always work. That either of them might just slip up and fuck up anyway, crashing down hard one day. Because that doesn't help, so now he'll try to bring her into a hug. ]

[Is it trying to tell that to her? Or is he saying that he's looking for someone to help him move on? Right now, she would think she's the worst person to go through right now since comforting each other since last night has only ended in more pain.

She's not really sure what to say to him at all, because she's still lost.

Not to mention the fact that he's pulling her into a hug right now. Honestly, she doesn't resist, but she doesn't embrace him back at first. It takes her a moment to process this, but when she does, her arms tightly embrace him back and before she knows it, she starts bawling.

It isn't anything like Mikazuki has seen her heard before. Before it was crying because she was scared and terrified of her fate. Now this is all the negative emotions she's been keeping bottled up suddenly releasing themselves. She's practically wailing, and it sounds rather undignified, unlike a royal.

It's human. Sincere.

It's her true response to her dream, what's happened, being an ass to Gangrel yesterday, everything that just made this stay here a thousand times worse than it already is.]

[ Mikazuki easily begins to lightly pat at her back, not offering any more words or anything that'd be judgmental in the slightest. Even when she's giving the loudest cry, he doesn't seem bothered... in fact, he had been hoping that she would release all of her sadness like this. He had done something similar while he had been out in the aftermath of the trial, although it's probable Gangrel was the one who had mostly seen it...

It is also telling that he doesn't seem like he's going to move from this spot or trying to that he wishes to abandon her or anything like that. He had come here for a reason, after all. ]

[Her crying lasts for a bit, eventually calming down to a huff of breaths, and then suddenly, she's just exhausted. Though there is no denying that she feels a lot better as she rests her head on his shoulder. Her embrace on him loosens, but her fingers cling to his clothes. It's like she's silently telling him it's okay if he needs to leave, but still asking if he could stay.

As much as she wants to be alone she doesn't want to be left alone at the same time.

Maybe it's in this moment that she decides for the sake of her own mental health, that she just needs to trust Mikazuki. That he won't say painful words to her, that he won't tell her that she makes him feel guilty. Those words Killidia told her still sting, even though Killia seemed to clarify them.]

I'm sorry... for how I treated you last night and just now. I'm... just really scared.

[How many times has she told Mikazuki now that she's scared? She may be able to count it on one hand, but it also feels like she's lost count.]

[ Mikazuki doesn't pull himself away even when she loosens her embrace with him, he can only at this time, look down at her, lips turned up into another smile, and it's something that he manages at this point out of habit, almost close to how he was able to do so easily earlier in the weeks before everything took a nosedive. ]

I don't fault you for it, not at all in the slightest, so it is alright. I understand how you feel.

[ ... He really does. He doesn't want her to feel ashamed for how she feels, when they're going through things like this together. ]

I'll stay as long as you need me to.

[She knows that he understands and it's probably why it caused so much confusion from her. Maybe he's smiling because he's better at this than she is, but now, it's a comfort. Just getting all that frustration out just now and not being judged for it helped more than she realized. Of course, everything still hurts, but her mind feels a lot less clouded now.

After a bit, she nods at him against his shoulder.]

Please stay with me. I... don't want to be alone right now.

Then, I will stay with you, I promise.

[ Mikazuki doesn't intend on leaving her person anytime soon, especially now that she's said that. So, it looks like they'll be together today for quite awhile, but considering the situation, he doesn't mind. ]

Is there anything you would like to talk about? Or, would you like for us to go get some tea?

[She remains there still, her embrace becoming a little tighter again.]

I... don't really know.

[No, she does know...]

I want to trust people here, but I'm so afraid they will betray me now. I... got scared that I couldn't trust you either.

[Though could anyone really blame her for that?]

My dream... when I learned of my destiny, I fell into a slump. Taking advantage of that, one of my 'friends' had taken my hostage and given me to the commandant of the knights-- someone else I trusted. They both... ended up using me. One because of his orders, the other because I was a weapon. It was after that I apparently had wished for my friends to... to kill me... since I was under the Commandant's control.

[ Mikazuki certainly wouldn't blame her, even if it did hurt, and there had been a moment where he hadn't understood why she wouldn't. But... there were really no guarantees now, even without Estelle having that dream, weren't there.

He'll unconsciously tighten his hold on her as well, but not so it's uncomfortable. ]

...

They didn't listen to you and try to kill you, did they?

Edited 2017-03-02 01:48 (UTC)

I... I don't know. My dream ended after I asked... and all I heard was "I'll set you free."

[Which could very well mean that her request was heard and that she would be killed. After all, she knew Yuri would kill her if he honestly had to...]

Hrm... that is unfortunately a little vague, but -- you're still here, alive, and maybe that means they didn't try to kill you and it was just that cruel man who said something like that.

[ ... even when it's pitch black apparently Mikazuki tries to see the silver lining somewhere. ]

Edited 2017-03-02 02:17 (UTC)

[She shakes her head against him.]

No, I know who said it. It was a friend of mine-- the one that I requested to kill me.

[But maybe she is still alive. She really doesn't know.]

If push came to shove, I know he would do as I asked. And I'm positive it likely came to that.

But... you're still alive now, so at the very least, you lived through that.

[ Mikazuki refuses to accept any alternative, because it doesn't make sense for her to be dead, for one, and for another thing, she's someone he cares about. ]

I just wish you hadn't had to face that at all.

WEEK 6.

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